Dr. Mallard's Diary: Entry 6

By Rook,  March  27, 2023

There is a level of crassness that is undesirable when talking about  matters of love.  Most innuendos or  phrases referring to the act  tend to be  rather  crude or barbaric, making allusions to tools or a farm, as though a partner is one to be tilled or repaired like some common thing (i.e. screwing, ploughing, smashing, etc.) .  It fails to capture the significance of  act and the majesty of one's partner.

Here are some phrases that I suggest be used in place of such  brutish words. 

"Let me moisten my bumbershoot in the eves of your valley."
"Allow my beast to find solace in your hollow."
"Shall I crash and ebb like the surf upon your shore?
"Should our flowers meet and bear sweet fruit?"
"Run me through." 

These are just some examples, of course. If they are not to your taste, It matters not. I only implore you at least get creative with your trysts. I'd rather not fall asleep before the clothes come off.