On Christmas Eve, in the year 2036, the last cow was slaughtered. Officially, this was symbolic, as a final sacrifice to the world. In reality, this was just a way to artificially drive up the price. Underground auctioneers had already started the bidding, the number skyrocketing past the billions for one last taste of beef. One last bite of murder.

 This was because the next day, a thousand miles away, in a Swedish manger, a child would be born. 

Her first memory was not of her mother’s face—she had no womb to exit. There was only a black dream to wake up from. She merely had to open her eyes to blinding light where she was greeted by frantic aliens without faces scurrying around her, poking and prodding with a million shiny things that all made their own sounds and lights. 

One shone a light straight into her eye—jarring but not painful. 

“Pupils are dilating," the alien said. “She seems alert.”

“Her vitals all seem clear.” 

They were all running around, fiddling with tubes and liquids. They only stopped when one put its hand on her face, and dragged a tube from the wall to her lips. 

Instinct took over and she readily began to suckle. But they had inserted it deeper down her throat, directly pumping the fluid into her stomach. 

She latched onto nothing and tasted the sterile plastic. 

And she wondered if this was her mother—not the alien before her, the alien was much too small—but the space around her, the cold room which hummed and sang to her the signs of life.

“She’s stable,” said the little alien. 

“Stable?” 

“She’s stable.” 

“She’s stable!” 

They said the word so many times she decided it was probably her name.  

“Let’s call her Beef.” 

Nevermind. 

One by one they began ripping off their faces, revealing their bare teeth. The ceiling opened up above her, revealing a new kind of light, like a second birth. It changed from cold to warm as the beams hit her. 

The clapping just grew louder, not just in her chamber but all around the hungry world as the cameras flicked on and the billions of eyes behind them sat watching. 

Two of those eyes were that of a little boy, wondering why they were watching an odd furry forest on TV. 

“What is that?” he asked.

“That’s tomorrow’s dinner.” joked his father. 

“Oh don’t be like that darling.” his mother scolded. She went close to the screen and pointed at the corner of the screen. “Do you see that? It’s a cow!” 

Only its face looked like a cow. The little boy could see its big brown eyes. They were full of water and stars.They were looking right at him. 

“A little on the nose to be naming her Beef.” 

One of the many doctors moved forward with a needle. All at once, the forest seemed to bloom with pink fleshy flowers. 

The strange cow softly cooed like it was crying. 

Time passed as good mornings and goodnights, spoken by one of the white aliens. Beef was getting good at counting 

“Good morning!” said the alien, for the ninetieth time. That’s three thirties. Two forty-fives. And nine tens.  

She put a set of books in front of Beef’s face. 

“Numbers were last week and I think letters were before that. What would you want to do this time:Classical European literature or Intro to Philosophy?” 

“A little advanced, don’t you think, Dr. Andersson?” 

Another alien walked in, a little larger than the one reading to her. He wore a much darker skin around his body. Beef had just learned they were called clothes.

“What, would you rather have me teach her about the birds and the bees?”

She jumped up and began flailing her arms wildly.

“This is a bird-” she stuck her butt out. “--and this is–”  

“You know what I meant,” interrupted the other alien.

“And what did you mean, Mr Hugo, our most charitable head of finance?” 

“She’s a cow. She’s meat.”

“That’s exactly my point. She’s still a living breathing creature. She needs enrichment.”

“Take her for a walk then.” he said, gesturing to the massive mass. 

“I am! Through her mind.”

 “What kind of mind is that?” 

“Look into her eyes.” The two aliens went uncomfortably close to Beef’s face. 

“She’s got a whole galaxy, nay, a whole universe in those big browns of hers.”

Suddenly, a whole group of aliens walked in, carrying bright tools that looked like light in their hands. 

“What’s this? What’s happening?”

“Harvest.” said Mr. Hugo. 

“I thought they weren’t supposed to come for another week.” 

“Some people want veal.” 

Dr. Andersson could muster no reply as she was pushed aside. She turned to Beef. 

“Hey this isn’t going to hurt, okay?” She held the cow’s head softly in her hands. “Don’t look. Or at least just look at me. We made it so you can’t hurt. So you won’t ever hurt.”

And so far, Beef felt nothing. Just “pressure”. There was a lot of noise and then all of a sudden, Dr. Andersson spat up this vile smelling liquid from her alien mouth. The team of aliens quickly cleaned it up. 

“I’m alright. It’s alright. Just keep looking at me.” 

But Beef had already turned her head. 

Colors, she had learned a few weeks ago. Red. Most of it was red. Hers. 

Something turned within her. A body that was not built to be a body and yet was life all the same. The earth and sky did not hold still. Voices called out it screams and whimpers.

And then warmth. It was Dr. Andersson, her strange alien arms wrapped around her face. There was a soft drum beating loud and quick against her ear.

“It’s okay. It won’t hurt. It shouldn’t hurt at all.” 

Beef realized it was just her body shaking. She calmed down. A mournful sound came

from deep within her throat. 

When the lights had gone dark, there was a smell that made Beef nauseous. It smelled like the color black. Like bitterness.  

“I’m assuming you don’t want a sample?” asked Mr. Hugo in the dining hall, with a full plate.

Dr. Andersson shook her head, feeling the bile tickle her throat. 

“You’re going to need a stronger stomach if you're going to stay on this project.”

“My stomach is the least of your problems. You—she wasn’t ready yet.” 

“”She” is so many things,” said Hugo, smacking his lips as he took a bite. “Soft, fatty, and surprisingly anal. Just like you.”

“This is why I can’t work with people like you. You don’t respect what we’re doing here.”

“Oh you’re quite right.” The sound of metal scratching on porcelain grated against her ears. “Your team lead pitched this project as a way to save the world. A pipe dream that ought to have died in the gutter if I hadn’t fished it out. Do you know how many soft-hearted dreamers have killed to have an opportunity like this? I should know. I handed them the gun.” 

“I’m paying for an experience. This company could have paid for any other world changing event—and we still can. But I’m choosing this one because I wanted to know what it would taste like.”

“I hope you choke on it.” Dr Andersson got up to leave, but a firm hand grabbed hers.

“Oh I almost did! You were there. One of many young doctors on rotation. As far as headlines go, you were just a face in the crowd. A little toenail in the foot that marches to the future. I think you’re much bigger than that. You handled that weird cow like a dream.”

“Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere with me. ” She yanked her hand away. 

“No, but how does becoming department head sound?” 

She paused. 

“Now, you want what’s best for Beef, and I just want a good product. I don’t think those are mutually exclusive goals. Pay raise and of course, credit will be included.” 

Her jaw clenched.

“Will I get to take care of her better?” 

“So long as you can get me what I want.” 

The hot coals flared up from the fat dripping from the grates. Dr. Andersson looked at the flames and smelled Beef burning. 

“I’m doing this for her.” 

“Of course, the pay should make for some lovely padding.”

His smile was flecked with bits of meat, the smell of which still made her want to dry heave. 

Without a goodbye, the day stretched out thinly for Beef, fraying into long drawn out 

seconds of her just waiting for someone to return. Drawn thin enough to be cut by teeth. 

Someone did come by. Something clattered on the roof above her, not saying a thing. Maybe it was raining. Maybe it was footsteps. She counted them. She counted everything.

The second person to come by was Dr. Andersson. 

Morning. It had been that long. The day had started before it could end. 

At what point does counting become cruel? 

They started expanding the space around her. She craned her neck as far as she could, but Dr. Andersson drew her attention back. More stories with words interspersed with a heavy clang. They happened rhythmically. 

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four.

Sets of five. Ringing loudly. 

The little tubes were replaced with pipes. Bags replaced with tanks. And behind Beef, a wall so that she cannot see what goes on behind her. Why, she almost looks like she’s mounted. 

Beef is very much alive. It does not hurt, but she can still feel them taking. Pulling. Ripping. She still very much remembers the color. 

Is this where counting becomes kind? 

It’s easier to count the shorter times. It lasted just a hundred seconds, then it would begin again. 

“Hungry hungry caterpillar or the giving tree?” asked Dr. Andersson. 

She was almost always present now. Her hands wrapped around Beef’s face with the

same tenderness as they always had. They just felt..thinner and heavier. There were shiny things wrapped around her arms and fingers. The drums were frantic in her chest, especially when the other alien came in. 

He looked at her strangely with big nasty teeth. His arms wrapped around her too. Although, it didn’t look nearly as comforting. She seemed stiff. Almost like she was being suffocated. 

Milked.Skinned. Butchered. Processed. Beef is an industry—a marvel for the greener world. Cows move about in the feral wilds. A novelty in this modern world, hunted by the hyper rich. Some make a fuss about new ethical leather,The strange taste of Beef, new Milk. Teenagers gather in the square fueled by tofu and  hormones to protest something they can barely argue against but feel in their heart is wrong. Others fire up their stoves. The day is long, but it ends with a meal. 

But she doesn’t know that. She only knows the faces before her. Counting down, endlessly. 

Until, “Good morning.” 

Dr. Andersson was not holding a book, nor was she wearing her usual white nor her gold. 

What she did have was something red.

Beef nearly panicked, but Dr Andersson soothed her with a gentle hand. 

“It’s just an apple. It’s okay.” 

Even though she wasn’t wearing white, her skin was extra pale and a her hair was flecked with streaks of white.

“I’m not supposed to be at work today, first vacation I've had in months. Hugo wanted me to go away with him, but I told him to eat shit. That was cathartic.”

She sat down on the floor right underneath Beef’s head and gently rubbed her snout. 

“You’re very warm. I just got fired, but…you’re warm.” 

“I wonder why that is? Why did you have to be warm? Why did we have to give you eyes and a brain for all this work? Why are you…alive?” 

She pulled her lips back away from her teeth. 

“I should know this. I should have an answer.” 

She leans in listening to Beef’s breathing. “I would listen to your heart but you have several.” 

“I’ve eaten you. I should confess that, I think. That’s what you do to make yourself feel lighter, only, I don’t think that was my sin. There should be guilt. I expected it to swallow me whole after my first bite but nope. It was just meat.’

“It got me thinking—Are we eating your flesh or your life?”

“You don’t really have much in terms of a life. You’re…product." The word tasted like vomit. “Leather, veal, collagen, calcium, milk and…beef. You’re Beef.You taste like beef.”

Dr. Andersson laid beneath Beef just out of view, known only through her voice.

“You wouldn’t understand. You’ve never tasted anything in your life. The moment youre born you’re supposed to be held, given something to drink—Learn how life tastes.It occurred to me you've never tasted anything in your life. Your anguish, pain. Experience. It’s just colours and number and—” she leaned 

So if you’re just meat, then…why do I hate this? Why do I look at you and feel like there’s something wrong? Why can I hold you and feel warmth?” 

“Are you even comforted when I hold you? Do you feel my heart too?”

Beef mooed in reply. 

Dr. Andersson kissed her gently on the snout. 

““You’re here. And I’m sorry.”

She placed the apple by Beef’s lips. 

“Life should be sweet.” 

She coaxed the red orb into Beef’s mouth and watched her chew with difficulty, the feed pipe getting in the way of her teeth and most of the apple falling to the floor in crushed piles of pulp. But she watched her eyes fill with light, ears flopping all about with joy. 

“I hope you find out what it means to live.”

Beef didn’t really understand what that meant. She did hope for another apple but the doctor had already said her goodbye and left. So Beef did what she did best. 

She waited. And counted. Just for a week.

Then she stopped. 

She didn’t know why. Nothing had changed around her—work continued as normal. But there was just something deep inside her, something sharp that she had never known, as though something had shattered. 

Somewhere on a country road, a car had gone too far and too fast into a wall. They say it was an accident. She skidded on stray ice. She had been drunk. It was too dark. Too tragic.  

But Dr. Anderson knew what she was doing. It had been a clear spring night with no ice and not a thing in her system. Her headlights were enough to turn the night to day. 

She wanted to feel it all as she pressed down on the gas. She didn’t close her eyes for a second. 

No time passed for Beef. Her skin was permanently cut. Her bones were drained and harvested. Her flesh was carved and rent. Organs prised from their cavities. A bountiful harvest for all but her who stood oblivious behind her frame, just barely a presence spilling out of the wall. 

Little did they know the world that shone behind her eyes. The dreams she had while waiting. Stories she could never speak. In her soul shone something red and sweet. 

Someone would come in the night in the brief moments when the lights go out. She heard them knocking somewhere. Not behind the door, somewhere upward from where she couldn’t see. 

There was a click and a soft rustle. Many strange things fluttered down, including a new small creature. It sat before her looking even stranger than all the others. It was covered in something that wasn’t hair but still looked soft. 

It looked up with little eyes and flapped its strange arms happily. Beef suddenly remembered. 

“Bird?” said Beef, tentatively. 

“Oh you do remember!” said the strange creature. 

“You can understand me?”

“Of course, I can. I’m your friend, Beef.” said the bird.

The bird’s voice was very familiar. Like it had told him stories for years. 

“Dr. Andersson?” 

“Dr. Andersson is way too long a name.” the bird said. “Just call me Andy!” 

“How are you here? And why do you look like this?”

“Why?” asked Andy, tilting her head. “Is there something different about me?”

“You look…different.”

“Oh! That’s easy to answer. I’m free now.” 

The bird fluttered around Beef’s face, moving through the air like it was nothing.”See?”

“Is that all?” asked Beef. 

“I’ve also been eating these.” The bird picked up the green thing with her foot and offered it to Beef.

“What is that?”

“A leaf!”

“Is it like an apple?” 

“Hmm…I’m not sure. Maybe you could try it out.” 

Beef opened her mouth, but the pipe leading into her gullet made it hard for Andy to put the leaf in. 

“Seems a little difficult to feed you. Let me take this out.”

Before Beef could protest, the bird yanked the tube out, viscous fluid spilling out on the

floor. 

“Now try this.” 

Beef was now able to chew. 

“How is it? Good right?”

Beef swallowed. 

“Yeah! It’s not an apple  but it’s certainly…fresh? I wish there was more though.”

“Sure there is! Come on.” the bird said excitedly. “There’s a whole world full of the stuff. And apples if you’d like.” 

“But…I’m not free like you are.” 

The bird fluttered about examining the room. 

“Well there are no locks on the doors. There are no guards either. You look pretty free to me.” 

“But I don’t…” Beef thought about her excuses. 

“”Have you ever tried to move?” 

Beef shook her head. 

“Come on, we’ll go together.” The bird flew to the top of Beef’s head. 

They had an astounding level of control when creating Beef.They gave her miracles instead of a body.  Flesh that would regrow within the hour, Different rates of growth for different kinds of meat, endless fountains of milk, even bones. Why, they even took away her pain. And so with all this mass, she was never designed to move. It would be too difficult…too strange 

But not impossible. 

She had recalled this strange sensation once before. She began to shake and the world shook with her. Pipes cracked, walls crumbled, thunder roared and all the light shattered into sparks then darkness.

She had taken her first step.

“You’re doing great!” said Andy from atop Beef’s head. 

Beef looked up to a ceiling of black, sprinkled with sparkling white where at its center a single eye without a pupil looked down. 

“Who’s that looking at us?” asked Beef. 

“That’s Mr. Moon. He means us no harm. The night sky says it’s nice for a walk.” 

“The night sky?” 

“The thing with all the sparkly stars. It’s all clear today just for you.”

“I think…I think it’s pretty.” Beef had never thought of anything as pretty before. 

“If you like the night, wait till you see the day. That’s where all the colors are.”

“Color…”

The hulking mass of flesh slithered beneath the stars, with the innocence and wonder of a newborn child. She had broken free from her white womb. 

“We’re here,” said Andy. 

They had stopped by a wired fence. Nothing that could actually block Beef’s way, but it was what was beyond that made her pause. 

Large pillars covered in leaves loomed over their heads, with strange arms that radiated without rhyme or reason. And beneath them, a horned shadow. It was a familiar silhouette  with large wet eyes watching her from the dark. It called out in a voice that sounded like Beef’s own. 

Beef stared back and called out with her own voice. It felt so hollow out in the open air. She was hardly sure it could reach the creature. 

But it did—Its ears perked up and it ran deeper into the strange world. . 

“That’s alright, we’re here to eat, not socialize,” said Andy. 

Beef toppled the fence to go nearer to the leaves. 

“I can’t reach the leaves from here.” said Beef, craning her neck.  

“That’s alright, you can eat the floor. Plus it’s respectful to bow to nature when you eat.”

“Nature.” 

Beef felt the floor, and Andy was right. It was much softer than anything she had ever known, with something thick and green sprouting out. 

She bowed down to bite, and she pulled it away with ease. I was dark and wet, turning sweet between her teeth. 

‘It’s nice, isn’t it?” 

She bit down deeper, this time taking the dark stuff with it.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to bite that deep.” 

But Beef just kept on chewing.  It was much more bitter, with a burst of salt from something wriggling in her mouth. The more she bit down the less it wriggled. 

The earth got drier, and rougher against her teeth until she bit down on something hard. 

Looking down, it was something white poking out of the black dirt. 

Curious, she pulled it out. 

This thing had horns too. And it stared at her with black empty sockets and smiled a hollow smile. 

It reminded Beef of her first time seeing red. 

“What…what is this?” she asked, shaking. 

“It’s you,” said Andy. 

“Is this what I’ve been eating?” . 

“This is what everything eats. The earth, the worms, the trees and of course, even you now. Doesn’t it taste sweet?“ 

“Look behind you and you’ll understand better.” said 

The endless forest that was her body, casting shadows before her. There were these things crawling about, biting and gnawing. And she felt nothing all the while. Only terror. 

Suddenly, the earth began to shake again. Only this time, it wasn’t Beef. Something was screaming in the sky, another white eye. This one had aliens on it. 

They were coming to take her away again. 

“You could run. You could be free, my friend.” 

“Andy?” said Beef, looking at the people swarming her.  

“Yes?” replied the bird. 

“I don’t think I want to be your friend.”

“That’s fine.” said Andy, climbing into Beef’s mouth.  “I wasn’t really free anyway.” 

 Instinctively, Beef bit down. Feeling the feathers tickle her throat, she almost choked. But she forced the bird down anyway. 

The mess took around twenty four hours to clean up and in that time there was no hiding 

what had been done. Like buzzing flies, eyes swarmed the sky, talking all about the strange flesh forest that decided to go for a stroll. 

When a tentative roof had been built and all the pipes were reinstalled, a dishevelled Mr. Hugo walked up to her face. Taking a cloth from his pocket, he started wiping the blood and dirt off her face. 

“I was wondering how long it would take for you to start acting up.” he said. “Although, I never imagined this. I don’t have a great imagination but I doubt anyone would have imagined this happening.” 

“Mooo,” said Beef.

“Yes, I understand.” Mr Hugo didn’t. He imagined she was protesting, but really she was just mooing to be polite.

“She’s not here anymore so we got you the next best thing.”

A black window was wheeled up right in front of her face.    

“A TV!” He switched it on, color and sound blasting her face. 

“If it’s enough to pacify a grown man at any age, it’s enough to pacify you.”

He walked away, leaving her to the watch to her heart’s content. 

With all these colors, she wondered if this was the day that Andy talked about. But

feeling the warmth on her back, she understood it was somewhere close by, just beyond her line of sight. 

The next few years were easy for Beef—sitting in a pacified pasture flipping through channels with a hoof. 

For everyone else, it was a legal nightmare. They had all seen what happened that night. 

Beef knew this. She had access to the news which was by far her least favorite channel. 

Mr. Hugo was the one she saw the most. Something about global benefit and needless death. Often he was talking to a wall, one that was usually angry and had many many faces.

There was one particularly angry man  that stood out. He didn’t want people to eat this strange meat. He didn’t like how unnatural it was and how cruel it was how she didn’t even have a proper name.  

She didn’t mind. Beef was just a word to her. She changed the channel. 

Her favorite shows were the ones about revolutionaries. Specifically those with a clear moral answer. She didn’t want to argue. She didn’t want to think. She just wanted to turn up the volume and watch guns blaze. 

 It sounded like they were in the room with her. 

Loud voices, bullets firing, people screaming. The TV exploded. 

Suddenly there was something hot and smoking against Beef’s head. It smelled just like bitterness. 

Beef recognized it as a gun. Holding it was a scared young man. When their eyes met, there was a sense of recognition that passed between them. They had never been in the same room before but everything was so familiar as they had watched each other from opposite sides of a window. 

Everything was so much smaller in real life. But everything was so much heavier too. The gun shook in his hand while his heart beat loud enough for the both of them to hear. 

“What’s taking you so long?” someone called from the hall. 

“Just give me a second.” called back the boy. “I need to think.” 

“What’s there to think about? You were dead sure about putting this poor animal out of its misery.” 

“Fuck.” he pulled the hammer back. 

“What does it change?” He lowered his gun. 

“The hell do you mean ‘what does it change’? You’re the one who fought for this.” 

“I fought for a life. But I’m not even sure about what I’m looking at right now.”

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this right now—” 

“I just want to do the right thing.” 

“Then do it! Do the damn right thing.” yelled his partner from the hall.  

“We’ve seen you run. We’ve seen you get out of here.” said the boy. “Do you want to go out?” 

Beef just mooed. 

“We don’t have time for your moral quandaries. We either do this now or forever spend the rest of our lives in failure aka jail.” 

“Three seconds! Give me three damn seconds.” yelled the boy. “I’ll feel better about all this in three seconds.”

He took a breath. 

Life is so easy to eat. It’s so hard to destroy. Maybe if he had used his teeth it would have been easier, but the gun was in his hand and pressed against her head. 

“I’m going to count down and when I’m done you’ll wake up in a better place than this.” 

Beef didn’t believe him because it was true. But she imagined it was a nice story. 

Beef closed her eyes and pushed her head against the barrel. She wanted to count one last time.

3.

2.

1.

Here the dream is not blank. It is colored by motion. Beef died, but the flesh did not. It grows as a forest, not of madness but of noise of all the life it feeds. She felt the teeth on her flesh. But also the sun pulling her from the earth, and the wind that flutters beneath her wings. 

“Are you free yet?” asked Andy as they buzzed amidst the flowers. 

“No,” said Beef. “I am still dreaming.”